On Trust and Worry by Carina Mead

falling in love fiance

As I approach my wedding day, I find myself with far too many things to do and not enough time to do them. Curiously, I find myself simultaneously surrounded by comments of “You’re so calm. How are you not freaking out right now? When do you think the stress is going to hit you? Aren’t you overwhelmed?”.

Truth be told, I hadn’t even thought about my level of stress, or lack thereof, until girlfriends at my bachelorette party asked me how I’m feeling. Sure, there are many things to do that I don’t know if I’ll finish in time. There is a lot of alone time I desire that I don’t know if I’ll get. There are a ton of very different personalities about to be in the same place for the first time, in 90 degrees and with alcohol, and something COULD go totally wrong and problematic. It could. I’m sure something will go wrong, it is just the way of things, but I refuse to spend what has the possibility to be a beautiful, magical week in my life, and turn it into one of worry, stress and health problems as a result. I choose adventure. I choose joy. I choose to roll with the punches.

getting engaged

In the past, I could have held the title of anxiety queen. The thought of talking to someone new would make me have running to the bathroom every 2 minutes and being taken over by dry mouth, shaky hands, bug eyes and racing thoughts and I would spiral into a seemingly over-caffeinated mess until I decided I just wasn’t going to leave the house that day. I can’t tell you how many days in my past that has been my reality.

marriage proposal

My whole life changed when I let yoga have a place in my life and I decided to stop worrying about every little thing that could go wrong. Worrying is planning for a future you don’t want and I was wasting my life instead of living it. The more I focused on the positive “what if’s” (What if everything goes amazingly? What if everything turns out better than expected?) the more those things came to fruition. I started to display quotes that made sense to me and helped me to snap out of it and actually show up in life. One of my favorites:

“What are fears but voices airy, whispering harm where harm is not?” – Wordsworth

So while we don’t have programs 5 days out and our families will be pouring into town over the next few days and we only have one evening left to clean the terribly messy house before life gets beautifully shaken up and busy, who cares? We’ll work our butts off in short spurts until our plans with our family and friends consume our lives and we will enjoy the hell out of it. The things that don’t get taken care of probably weren’t that important to begin with.

I am going to enjoy this week and the day I marry my best friend as fully as humanly possible and I wouldn’t dare let something so futile as worry get in my way. I trust that everything will go exactly the way it is supposed to and I can’t wait to find out what that is.

falling in love fiance

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